Valentines day sucks. It sucks if you're single, because you can't risk even going outside in case you're seen by someone you know and deemed a sad case for being alone on the most romantic day of the year, or even worse, being seen with a single friend and wrongly labelled as lesbian (awkward), or the worst of all; being seen with a group of single friends and being labelled ringleader of a tragic man-hating coven of pint-drinking ladettes, with eyes rolling and 'no surprises she's single again this year' looks.
Complete lack of spontaneity, over-priced set menus, being single... there's plenty of reasons to hate Valentines day, but what you really need to know is how to escape this rose-weilding shame parade.
The Budget Option
Stay in and watch American Psycho. For those who are in the dark, it's a comedy. It's funny when he's chasing her down the stairs completely starkers except for his pristine white running shoes. With a chainsaw. Don't forget to laugh. Bitterly.
Nothing Says 'You're Special' Like a Mass Produced Sentiment Written by Someone Else.
Send yourself flowers (only if you work in an office, doesn't really apply if you're working from home). Then go home, put on a mask, and stand outside a love-sick restaurant giving these cards to strangers.
Leave the Country
Go and haggle for carpets in Istanbul. Call into work sick for two days - you can get a return flight to Istanbul for £76 with EasyJet. Except it'll probably get canceled, so you'll spend two days camping in an airport. But you might meet a hot guy there.
Alternatively, you could just check into a mental institute. Just remember you can't check out quite so easily.
No comments:
Post a Comment